Obsessive thoughts

[INFJuniper]

Obsessive thoughts in the initial stages of attraction seem somewhat natural but there also seems to be a boundary crossed into unhealthy at a point. I've seen this in personal experience from others and also in my own life.

What I'm wondering is if one has decided to severe the ties to someone (even without ever having dated) yet they are still thinking about and examining aspects of what they knew of that person, is this related to an unhealthy mental condition or would it be personality? For example, person A has decided to severe ties with B, they had known each other for 3 months within the workplace.

Chemistry was there and they had a date set, but B decided to get back with their girlfriend. No real closure came, but person A decided to severe ties. Although person A made this decision, she picked up the phone almost every day for more than a month, but didn't dial. Logically she knows the person B is bad, but emotionally her heart was torn. Although person B is bad, she still dissects every aspect of the him, replaying in her mind conversations and images from the past. At the same time trying to break the thought process through other healthy avenues. A year later person A is writing about the person as sort of a therapy and B contacts them. They find a lot of the answers they'd been searching for and find closure after 8 more months and severe ties without ever physically meeting up with the person. On another note, person B has hinted at mutual obsessive thoughts about person A but has commitment issues. Person A this time has completely communicated severed ties and feels peace about it. While person B doesn't.

Person A meets someone else, person C. Person A begins a thought process similiar to the one with B, yet the interaction was a shorter time period ( 1 night). Person A has gone on other dates, yet person B and C has captured their thoughts. Is Person A's thinking continually about one person an unhealthy condition, normal part of dating/attraction or part of person A's personality? Is it possible that both person B and C stirs up unresolved issues in person A's subconsious and as they examine those people, they are also examing themeself?

I hope this wasn't too confusing, I know names would make it easier, but I figured this would be the most logical form for the question.

[GOD]

Obsessive thoughts in the initial stages of attraction seem somewhat natural but there also seems to be a boundary crossed into unhealthy at a point. I've seen this in personal experience from others and also in my own life.

My belief is there are a few causes to obsession/compulsive behaviour in these types of relationships 1) Is based on some underlying precondition that relationships tend to bring to the surface (You've emotionally buried a whole bunch of issues and this type of emotional pathway basically triggers their release - at a general subconscious level which bubbles to the surface) [Interesting, as a hypothesis quite possibly many "emotional" issues in life may well be buried in a place where they are disturbed the least, and its this relationship type connection which is the emotion that uncovers them] 2) Loss of control stressor. Generally this is more male focussed. It’s like keeping the reproductive herd together. 3) Rumination coupled with a disproportionate emotional release. Like let’s say you feel like you are going to explode into a big emotional heap and the small conversation is like the trigger for that total release, hence people back off and procrastinate. (All the time this focus on the specific individual is being more and more embedded into the mind until it becomes a disproportion element).

Obsession to me is more about (ultimately) fear.

What I'm wondering is if one has decided to severe the ties to someone (even without ever having dated) yet they are still thinking about and examining aspects of what they knew of that person, is this related to an unhealthy mental condition or would it be personality? For example, person A has decided to severe ties with B, they had known each other for 3 months within the workplace.

I think the mind (If its an active one, or suffers from the preconditions mentioned previously) needs a lot more competiting stimulous to ensure it does not focus on this "one" issue. If the person was chasing/dating 50 people would they analyse each one to the depth that you describe above?

Chemistry was there and they had a date set, but B decided to get back with their girlfriend. No real closure came, but person A decided to severe ties. Although person A made this decision, she picked up the phone almost every day for more than a month, but didn't dial. Logically she knows the person B is bad, but emotionally her heart was torn. Although person B is bad, she still dissects every aspect of the him, replaying in her mind conversations and images from the past. At the same time trying to break the thought process through other healthy avenues. A year later person A is writing about the person as sort of a therapy and B contacts them. They find a lot of the answers they'd been searching for and find closure after 8 more months and severe ties without ever physically meeting up with the person. On another note, person B has hinted at mutual obsessive thoughts about person A but has commitment issues. Person A this time has completely communicated severed ties and feels peace about it. While person B doesn't.

My belief is that people consciously get into relationships and the way to unpick them (release) is to do the same. Getting in is more about focusing on positive attributes, getting out is about focusing on the negative attributes. If you pick on their negative attributes enough in your own mind and replay them (reinforce) them enough then subconsciously you overwrite (or tone down) the subconscious connection.

Person A meets someone else, person C. Person A begins a thought process similiar to the one with B, yet the interaction was a shorter time period ( 1 night). Person A has gone on other dates, yet person B and C has captured their thoughts. Is Person A's thinking continually about one person an unhealthy condition, normal part of dating/attraction or part of person A's personality? Is it possible that both person B and C stirs up unresolved issues in person A's subconsious and as they examine those people, they are also examing themeself?

Person A should read the first para response, it looks as though they have some emotional undercurrents which they should bring to the surface and examine, as well as using some all of the techniques described above. [I very much believe in physical exercise as a way of controlling various aspects and achieving a balance, its a very neglected topic in psychology].